Hibly Central

Back to the Blogging World.

2008-09-12T14:31:00.000-07:00

I know, I don't update.

I'm really going to try now though...

Promise.

Updates to come.

...okay.

2008-06-26T17:20:00.000-07:00

First off, I know I haven’t updated. Some of you have actually lectured me at bars at 1:30 am asking why I haven’t updated. I apologize. Well…here’s an update. Or more, it’s something I want to write down for myself so that I never forget.

A break. Some space. No matter how you put it, it sends the reject alert blaring in your face (I can hear the beeps now…). If you didn’t know, or have not talked to me in the past 5 months, I officially fell hard for my best friend. Yes, someone I have known for over 3 years. Someone who has seen me mess up. Someone who has seen me through my worse. Someone who has been a shoulder for me to cry on. Someone who managed to bring the best out of me. I fell HARD.

This past week we decided to take a little “break.” I tried googling “break” on the internets but it was impossible to do so without it having the word “up” right after. Trust me—I wanted to throw my computer out of the window.

So we decided to take a breather (way better word). For my personal awareness, I’ve decided to put down everything that has happened in the past week. Why you ask? Because

1) I don’t want to forget every feeling I felt. I want remember where I was when I broke down because I thought of her favorite ice cream flavor. I want to remember who I was with when I told them how much I cared about her.

2) I did some stupid shit. And by stupid shit, I mean STUPID. Things that I will never attempt again. So maybe when I read this in a couple of months, I will remember how incredibly dim-witted I once was when my emotions overtook the best of me. We’ve all been there right?

3) Most importantly, I want to remember what I took out of this. Why was the break necessary? If I’m so in love, what is wrong? In the end, this time of reflection has taught me a couple of very important things…and as gay as it sounds (no pun intended), I will have them for the rest of my life.

So it’s been one week. One week since we sat in her car and cried. There was no music. There were no words. Just tears. As I drove home blaring Dashboard Confessional I kept thinking how the fuck I was going to get through this. We have spent every living minute together for the past 4 months—never sleeping alone. Always on the phone. Eating every meal together. Seriously, what the fuck was I going to do?

The first few days were ROUGH. And by rough, I mean the hardest thing I had ever undergone. The pain was excruciating. I felt like my heart was at the bottom of my feet and no matter what I did to revive it, it would bitchslap me in the face and the throbbing would begin all over again. I spent most of my time in my room, door locked, lights off, TV on, and under some very heavy sedatives (the stupid part). I nicknamed my bed “the island” and vowed never to leave my island. This of course meant not eating for 4 days (…at least I lost some weight), being a horrible dog owner, and just an all around Debbie Downer.

My friends tried to stop by. But I forced them to sit on the island with me. By the 2nd night, the island was packed with friends carefully watching over me, thinking I was going to expire (again, the stupid part). No matter what I did, I could not stop thinking about her. When I closed my eyes, I could see her lying next to me. I can see her big brown eyes, her cracked smile, and my favorite part—her smile lines. When there was silence in the room, I can hear her voice telling me some ridiculous story, her laugh after every AWESOME joke I made, the sound of her kissing my forehead. And if I tried really hard, I can feel her lying right next to me, holding my hand. My body was numb. My heart was done for. The island was my calling.

By the fourth day, one of my very good friends forced me out of bed. She asked me to run “errands” with her. Little did I know, I would get another slap in the face…except this time, it would be a good one. We went and visited her mom, who is probably the most inspiring person I’ve ever met. She has undergone some serious shit and although I can’t get into detail, she turned out to be the biggest reality check. My friend rarely brings friends to visit her mom, so I knew it was a big deal for me to meet her. I learned that what I was going through—for ONE week, was something manageable. And that inevitably, I needed to leave my island. I had to be strong…so I could fight for her.

And so the drunken debauchery begins.
This is the messy part. I hate to admit it, but drinking my sorrows away definitely helped a little. Not only did it pass the time (and a vacation from my island…), but it made for some good stories. Slowly, I was starting to get my sense of humor back. Downing a bottle of wine before my roommate’s play probably wasn’t a good idea (wait seriously, what happened?). Or going to Bruce Lee’s gravesite at 7 pm. Dancing with the shirtless man that sells ribs outside of a really popular bar for 40 minutes while onlookers stared (one even videotaped it…oops). Puking in random bushes. Smoking 3 packs of cigarettes, being the focus of hundreds of pictures. Having a dance party at my house with a handful of gay men that I brought home from a club dancing to Amber and Enrique Iglesias. Falling asleep on random couches (Alki Beach anyone?). Having my sunglasses permanently attached to my head.

But then again, there was some soberness too haha.
Discovering new places for happy hour (Victory Lounge…$2 hotdogs and beer). Having a spontaneous barbeque but having like 20 people show up. Sober dance parties in my dining room. Bringing Bentley EVERYWHERE with me. Walks. Reading two books (everyone needs to read A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius). Learning the lyrics to Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop.” Realizing that I have friends who genuinely care about me and would do anything to make sure I was okay.

And now the lesson(s) learned.
Dun dun duuunnn.
For the past 5 months I have spent with her, I have enjoyed every minute of it. But in the process, I have lost track of some of my friends. And when things go sour, they are the first to catch me. They are there to listen to me bitch, but most importantly, they are there to hear me say how much I love her. And no matter what, they support every decision I make (and talk me out of some ridiculous ones…). I learned that you can’t be selfish with people. I learned that love really is hard. You have to work for it, it’s never just handed on a silver platter. But if it’s worth it (which she is), then it can be the best thing ever. Finally, I discovered how truly lucky I am to have the people in my life, including her. There was not one day I had a million phone calls and texts seeing how I was holding up, if I wanted to grab a meal to get my mind of things, or if I just needed to talk. So to my friends who put up with my emoness aka playing Death Cab songs nonstop and crying like a baby—thank you. It absolutely means the world to me.

Lastly—to her.

Lauren, You are my best friend. There is no one else in the world I would rather be going through this with. You have managed to change and move me in so many ways within the past few months. You continue to help me become the person I want to be and for that, I love you. Thank you for putting up with me.

-Enter Jason Mraz’s “Lucky” here-

why do i have this feeling...

2008-04-24T03:42:00.001-07:00

...that i'm going to get really fucked

[and not in a good way].

welp, off to LA!

Hi.

2008-04-22T22:45:00.001-07:00

I'm crazy about you.

:)

Thanks for the compliment

2008-04-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

Lauren: Sometimes you say things that are funny and then I think about it later and laugh.
Me: ...

We are so awkRAD.

Oh boy.

2008-04-09T11:14:00.000-07:00

I usually don't like reading into this, but lately I've found myself reading into astrology and signs. If you know who I've been hanging out with these days, then the following descriptions of our "relationship" just make sense. Not gonna lie--I laughed when I read these...

Here is a fellow adventurer who will take you all over the world & keep you smiling.
For Aries: This can be a good and a lasting relationship. You are both fun-loving and quite oblivious to the faults that might drive most people crazy. This is an exciting and adventurous union.

For Sagittarius: This is not a bad match while it lasts. Fun-loving, adventuresome, certainly compatible. Both you and the Ram like to do your own thing, therefore you often part on friendly terms as you go off in your own directions.

Perfect temperamental match for Aries. Both enjoy the good life. Both are impulsive and brutally frank. They each have a wonderful sense of humor would enjoy each others company. Their only problem could be in the bedroom. Both like to socialize and have extravagant tastes. Both are brutally frank and arguments could be like World War Three. Aries sexual aggressiveness doesn’t sit well with Sagittarius. Both love the outdoors and love to talk about their interests. A perfect match.

...

Sagittarius will be drawn to Aries intensity and wild side. Both love to play with fire and neither will mind using flattery to get sex. They get along great as friends and lovers and a mutually strong attraction can and will lead to a long-term love relationship. A love of the good life and lots of laughter will be experienced together. Children and animals will be involved in this relationship. Both have met someone that matches their stamina, in and out of the bedroom. Sex could be explosive and will be a reason to keep coming back to one another. They are a powerful combination and friends will maintain that each of them have met the right person. There is such a thing called love.

...

Aries and Sagittarius are both the energetic fire signs and share a love of the outdoors, physical activity, and doing various things together. For this reason there will probably be an instant attraction on the part of these two that could last a very long time, although Aries may doubt the Sagittarians ability to make a success of a long term commitment and in turn, Sagittarius could believe that Aries is ideal as long as Aries accepts the Sagittarians idea of freedom.

The Sagittarian feels that Aries should conquer the jealousy he or she may feel over what the sagittarian considers 'harmless' flirtations. Aries feels that the Sagittarian must be true in order to earn any respect and consideration he or she has any right to.

Later in life Sagittarius may come to appreciate the warmth and advantages of the domestic scene but Aries can not rely on this. No matter what age, the Sagittarian will always gamble with life and relationships which could keep Aries in an angry mood most of the time.

At least life with Sagittarius will never be hum drum, if Aries' nerves can withstand so much chaos. Sagittarius is not naturally faithful and feels most comfortable when juggling several affairs at once.

Aries, having much the same traits as Sagittarius will find living with this individual an...interesting proposition, but not if raising a family is the Arian objective as Sagittarius is anything but a family person.

While there is love a plenty to go around, Sagittarius will rarely take the time with children that an Arian will. All in all this could be a very good match and if the stars are well aspected, you could say it is a match made in Heaven.

Hmmm...

Spring Break 2008! Oh snaps!

2008-03-29T22:26:00.000-07:00

This was the first spring break I didn't go anywhere. It's the first time in about 5 years I didn't go to LA. Therefore, I was a little hesitant to see how my break would turn. Even more, I celebrated my 22nd birthday during Spring Break. I wasn't looking forward to it, but it turned out pretty fucking amazing and I only have one person to thank. You know who you are.

Fuck I wish I could put into words how much fun I had. And it's all because of you. So thank you.

Bus Etiquette

2008-03-12T22:03:00.000-07:00

I am a firm believer in taking the bus. Not only do you save money (Seattle has officially reached a record for gas prices), but you are also saving the planet. Duh. It's a win-win situation. I save the planet and I get around for free!

But of course, there are some "obstacles."

These obstacles are the plethora of people that ride the bus. These people are NUTS. Of course you'll have your random homeless people "misplacing" their bus pass (you're HOMELESS...why would you have a bus pass?!), but you also have your annoying businessman who is constantly using his bluetooth. I'm here to write a little about bus etiquette.

1) STOP EATING WEIRD SHIT ON THE BUS.
These are the people that bring curry on the bus. They sit there, take up 2 seats to have their own personal picnic and bring the stinkiest food ever. Seriously people, do you KNOW how small a bus is? That shit spreads FAST. You can't wait 15 minutes until you get to your destination to eat that shit? Seriously.

2) STOP TALKING ON THE PHONE WHEN THE BUS IS QUIET.
This especially happens in the morning around 7 am when everyone is still waking up. I really don't want to hear about what you thought of your best friend's outfit from the night before and how you plan on "finally hitting it" on Friday. NO ONE CARES! So stop talking on the phone so that everyone can hear you. Who the fuck has these kinds of conversations at 7 am anyway??

3) STOP DANCING.
I really don't care if you know the Soulja Boy dance and want to show off. Really, save it for da club.

4) STOP SMELLING.
It really amazes me how some people don't smell the odor coming from their bodies. If I can smell you from the back of the bus and you are sitting at the front, there's a problem. And you need to fix it. I swear...they really should offer little things of deoderant when you get on the bus. How can you not smell it?!

5) STOP STEPPING ON POOP.
Check your shoes before you get on the bus. If you stepped on poop, do the moonwalk on some grass before you get on. Please. This has got to stop. WHY DOES THE BUS ALWAYS SMELL LIKE POOP?!

6) STOP READING GROSS STUFF.
I am always astonished when I see creepy 47 year old guys reading porn on the bus. Don't get me wrong--I love porn. If I could, it would be available all the time. But when you're on the bus...it's just awkward. And you officially become "that guy" on the bus. Don't be "that guy."

7) STOP TAKING UP TWO SEATS.
I know it sucks sitting next to strangers, but seriously, when a bus is full, don't take up two seats. Even more, don't fucking roll your eyes when I ask to sit down because your briefcase was sitting on the empty seat. You're on a fucking bus not a BMW. Fuck you.

8) STOP PLAYING YOUR MP3 FUCKING LOUD.
Get better ear phones...or here's an idea, I don't know--turn down your shit. Sometimes it's funny hearing the music you listen to, but when it's death metal and you're sitting right next to me, it's a bit annoying. And again, it's awkward. Stop being awkward.

9) STOP ASKING ME OUT.
I refuse to accept a date on the bus no matter how cute you are. It's weird. Believe it or not, I've gotten asked out on the bust twice. Gross. I doubt I will meet my soulmate on the bus. Sorry.

10) STOP MAKING OUT.
I hate couples on the bus. PDA is disgusting, but on a bus? Really?! GAY. Stop. Stop now please.

And that concludes bus etiquette. You ALL know what I'm talking about if you've taken a bus. If it wasn't for me saving the planet, I would totally avoid the bus. Oh wellzors.

If you buy it, we will grill it.

2008-03-10T21:51:00.001-07:00

My roommate and I decided to take an impromptu trip to Fred Meyer yesterday. What were we celebrating? Daylight Savings Day...duh!

I of course have no dollars. I went solely for the toys to play with. Plus, it was Sunday. And I needed anything to avoid doing homework.

But my roommate....that was another story.

He bought the most amazing Spring/Summertime toy ever--a Barbeque. And I'm not talking a tiny little baby barbeque...I'm talking HUGE grill. HUUUUUUGE. Like you can grill a whole team of hot dogs and burgers.

Our impromptu trip to Fred Meyer ended up being an impromptu BBQ. We grilled everything we can find--potatoes, zuchini, cucumbers, hotdogs, RIBS. These huge carnivorous ribs were ginormous. I ended up getting really drunk (of course).

Daylight Savings Day! w00t!!

Oh Wow.

2008-03-05T15:19:00.000-08:00

Umm...so I was shown this post the other day. Scroll down...you'll see a surprise.

The internets be crazy sometimes yo'.

Old people need to stop watching American Idol.

2008-03-05T12:46:00.000-08:00

When the new season of American Idol started up, my mom would constantly call me and tell me about this boy who "looks exactly like me" on the show. My first reaction was how can a BOY look exactly like me?.

I didn't think it was a big deal until today, while I was on the bus, a woman in her 50's tapped me on my shoulder and asked, "Are you the boy from American Idol last night?" I gave a little smirk and replied no.

So I decided to do some research. Apparently this boy is Filipinoish. We have "kind of" the same hair. We wear scarves. We wear skinny jeans. We both have AMAZING voices. But...that's about it. Oh yeah, there's one major difference: HE'S A BOY.

Am I really becoming that androgynous? (don't answer that...).

Here's his performance from last night. Again--I don't watch American Idol. I don't plan to. And I'm not encouraging anyone to do so. But I do have to admit, It is kind of funny though...

SUPER TUESDAY TAKE TWO!

2008-03-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is another big day...if you know how important tomorrow is then we can officially be friends. No seriously. I'm really tired of people not knowing anything about the Presidential Election. Are you fucking kidding me? Get with the program kids.

For one of my Political Science classes I had to make "commercials" in support of my candidate--Barack "The Man" Obama. Here are my vidssss.

And here is another promotional, celebrity-whored one featuring Zoe Kravitz at the beginning. She's so hot. I would get all Cosby on that shit. Just sayin'.

C-O-M-I-T-M-E-N-T?

2008-02-26T09:33:00.000-08:00

This made me laugh today...

Brandon: I really want you to come down here and play Rockband with me. Only people who are musically talented can do the drums on hard.
Me: I love the drums.
Brandon: Me too, but I suck at them. I have no rythem.
Me: Probably because you can't spell RYHTHM. oh snaps! count it!
Brandon: Dammit. It's one of those words that I ALWAYS forget how to spell. The other one is "necessary"
Me: It's a hard word. Don't feel bad. I can't spell committment...how ironic.

Today I sat and spelled committment over and over. It's a start right?

It's time.

2008-02-25T22:51:00.000-08:00

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of reading on a blog called Passive Aggressive Notes. It’s about…well…passive aggressive notes. One, I feel like it’s extremely hilarious. I guess some people don’t really know that they’re so passive aggressive. But also, I feel like EVERYONE is passive aggressive. We always try to be fastidious and careful not to hurt other’s feelings, but really, we’re all just submissive. So I decided to make my own passive aggressive notes. I’m sorry if you feel these are about you. I’m trying to be as “anonymous” as I can. But really, how anonymous can one be on the internets.

Dear Bartender with a really small shirt that you only wash once a year,
I’m really happy that we’re friends. Because of you, I can bring in underage friends and get free drinks. But seriously, if you hug me one more time with your bad BO I will scream. I don’t understand how one can smell so foul. Sometimes when you put your arm around me, you leave a scent on my shoulder. And when you leave, I can still SMELL your aroma on my fucking shirt. It almost makes me gag. Then people think I can’t handle my alcohol, but really, it’s because I can’t stand the whiff of ghastly stench coming from my shirt. I now keep fresh shirts in my trunk just in case I want to maybe get laid. God knows you aren’t helping me out…

Dear “Love of my life” that really doesn’t give a fuck about me,
I’m sick of falling into this gruesome circle of loving and hating you. Don’t get me wrong, because of you, I’ve done the biggest leap of faith I could possibly do and I have never been happier. BUT. And this is a big BUT. You continue to tie me around your finger and make me sad. Then happy again. Then sad again. Oh wait! Now happy. And so on and so forth. I love you. But I really need to get over you. You will no longer control me in every aspect of my life, including who I have fallen for. Because now, that person has insecurities and refuses to lay an ounce of trust on me. You’re killin me Smalls.

Dear New Love of my life that also doesn’t give a fuck about me,
Please make a decision. And please make the right one. Don’t go back to d-bag. It’s not worth it. I know you’re scared, but I’m scared too. I don’t really know how to really tell you how I feel, and it sucks. I’m not good at this, but I want to be. And I want to be good with you. Don’t break my heart. I don’t know what I’ll do if you do. And don’t tell me “I can’t.” Because that doesn’t exist. If you feel something, you feel something. End of story. Let’s do this finally.

Dear old best friend,
I think you are being extremely insincere. You and person in previous note should get together and discuss how you are tearing us at the seams. I hope you realize what you’re doing. I have nothing but faith in you (always have), but really? You’re being extremely well, lame. He’s a good guy. He deserves the best. So before you do whatever the fuck you’re going to do/before you make any more excuses—be the best. Because he deserves it.

Dear friend that totally peaced when I needed you the most,
I’ve always wanted to tell you that it really hurts that I told you my biggest secret and you walked away. Because of that, you deserve the biggest FUCK YOU award ever. I hope your husband comes out of the closet in 10 years.

Fuck I feel better.

I want one please.

2008-02-25T22:04:00.000-08:00

This is too fucking adorable. Not only is she so cute I want to squeeze her, but she's talking about Star Wars! Gugh. I hate posting so many videos but my friends and I just send each other stupid links during the day. This was my fave today...

I rest my case.

2008-02-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

Speaking of how crazy myspace is (check previous post), I came across this video.

"Seriously, why am I not in your top 8?"

2008-02-18T22:12:00.000-08:00

Seriously.

I got this question the other day.

In fact, I've gotten this question SEVERAL times.

I am starting to think that myspace and facebook and friendster and ihavenorealfriendsexceptinternetones is getting the best of me. First, I have to admit that I check them constantly. In fact, I used to get notifications sent to my email AND my cellphone. I will admit to having a problem when I would be at a bar and would receive a text saying, "You have a new message from ______ on myspace." I would then race home to see who wrote me.

But now, I just don't think it's any fun. And when things aren't fun, they aren't...well fun. I'm sick of getting Macy's gift cards all the fucking time. And I don't care where I can find cool ringtones. And I also don't like when you LIE and say you have a friend that thinks I'm cute and that I should message her. It's just cruel.

But most importantly, don't ask why you're not in my top 8. Or say, "Oh, I see I got moved on the top 8." My reply will simply be, "Yup. I know. I was the one who changed it." My top 8 isn't some secret code for who I'm fucking, who I'm in love with, etc. [or is it...]. So stop reading into it.

In conclusion,

myspace and facebook and any other social networking sites (which really aren't teaching us to be social...no offense, but a myspace comment doesn't count as a phone call...) are all bullshit. And I'm gross for being so absorbed and attached.

...

Umm, I hope this post doesn't bring me down on your top 8.

Word of the day

2008-02-15T16:31:00.000-08:00

My friend called me earlier and asked if she can come over and possibly spend the night. I asked why and she said, "I'm being sexiled."

Sexiled: to be forced to leave/be gone when you're roommate wants to bone down.

SPREAD THE WORD.

Let's talk politics!

2008-02-08T17:50:00.000-08:00

Why I love her:

Me: So what do you think about Hillary Clinton?
Lauren: I think it's about time she gets a new fucking haircut.

The caucus in Washington State is this Saturday. Go out and support your candidate [cough cough OBAMA!!! cough cough].

To find out where you can caucus, check out http://www.kcdems.net/temp/CaucusLocations2008/

Sometimes...

2008-02-08T17:29:00.000-08:00

...I really miss you.

Sigh.

a faint idea...

2008-02-06T22:25:00.001-08:00

So a friend and I really really want to go to Coachella this year. Unfortunately, we are both students which sums up to us being POOR. Tickets are almost $300 and we'd have to figure out how to get down there. I was talking to another friend of mine about how we really want to go and her response was the best idea EVER. She said, "Just faint while you're in line. They won't ask for your ticket and you'll get in for free!"

Sadly, my friend and I were practicing fainting all day. Yup, we are on a MISSION.

sorry...i have band practice

2008-02-06T22:18:00.000-08:00

ok, so i have been extremely busy. no joke, if i'm not in school i'm studying, reading, doing homework, or trying to have a social life. most of my buds are overseas (i miss you jack! corrrr! lizzzzzy!), so it's been kind of lame-o around here. plus, it's winter quarter. you know what that means--it's cold, dark, and definitely rather-stay-in-bed-and-cuddle-than-go-out kind of weather. thus, i've been doing just that.

to be honest, my life highly consists of another love--and that is Rockband. rockband is fucking AMAZING. this gem has my roommates and i setting up "band practices" as a little something to forget that we lead extremely busy lives...but also, it makes us feel really fucking cool. there's nothing like pretending to play the drums to a classic nirvana song and getting a standing ovation--from the fake crowd. not bad. rockbard > guitar hero. you must check it out.

I'm still alive...I promise!

2008-02-02T13:41:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates...busy busy busy.
It seems like there is never enough time anymore.

Honest to blog.

But for your enjoyment, this if for you.
Sigh.

20 credits and a pair of Doc Martens.

2008-01-08T17:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the first day of school. Mind you, I have not stepped foot on campus for almost a month. My days were filled with waking up around noon, watching trashy soap operas, eating whatever I can find in the kitchen, and of course hanging out with my best friend--Al Cohol. Indeed, Al Cohol and I were attached at the hip these past few weeks. But sadly, I have to say good bye...for awhile.

I am signed up to take 20 credits of school this quarter. Doing so will allow me to graduate [on time...w00t!] and it's also an excuse to not work. Therefore, my daily phone calls to my dad have already begun a$king for hi$ $upport during thi$ difficult time. Taking 4 full classes is going to blow balls. I've already done more reading than I have in a year and it's only been 2 days.

Farewell social circle...goodbye bars...adios lovers. For the next 10 weeks my focus will be school. Boo.

In other news, I saw a girl wearing Doc Martens yesterday. My first reaction was to laugh hysterically. And my second reaction was of pure disgust. They still make Doc Martens? Who wears Doc Martens?!

Quotes of the week(s)

2008-01-01T16:22:00.000-08:00

I know I've been slacking in the blogging department...and I really don't have a good excuse. I've been out of school since December 7 and have done nothing in my life besides drink, read, watch movies, and drink. Seriously, I kind of can't wait to start school again...

But...I must say, this time has allowed for some quality time with my friends. And thus, there have been some great quotes. Bare with me, you might not get them, but whatevs, get over it...

Ashley:
"She's mad at me. I told her to take a shower."

Coz:
"Want to go to Target? I have to buy new dishes...I had to throw mine out because I didn't want to do dishes."

Morgs:
"Of course I had sex with him, I'm a slut."

Sorry for being a lame blogger lately. But I hope you all had an amazing New Year. Mine was gooooooooood.

Blog soon. Scout's honor.